The means of the communication is the response that we get. In other words if someone doesn’t understand what we’re saying, or even worse has got angry about it, often it’s not the message they’re reacting to but how we’re communicating it.
When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we’re wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. We’ll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message if we don’t change how we’re communicating to them. Otherwsie we might as well be speaking a foreign language.
The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here’s just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone’s language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.
Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we’ll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory – words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual – words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic – words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you’re saying.
Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It’s certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who’s motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they’re motivated ‘towards’ these things. You’ll have to use others words if they’re really motivated ‘away from’ failure, being alone or weakness!
Sameness/Difference (70%/30%)
If someone looks for sameness then don’t tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one – tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.
Options/Procedures (40%/40% with 20% wanting a little of both)
You’ll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.
Detail/Big Picture (15%/60% with 25% wanting both)
Don’t jump in with lots of details until you’ve determined whether they like it – many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.
As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?
Percentages are those taken from Metaprograms by Wyatt Woodsmall in 1988.
